Ann The Gran Community

Roseanne,

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is just going through this myself. Please if there is anything I can do ,please feel free to ask me.

Roseanne,

I am so sorry too. No matter if you were really close or not, you feel the loss of family. If we can do anything, I am certain you can ask any of us and we would be happy to help you with whatever.

Kath

Thanks Judy and Kath.  I appreciate it.  What really upset me was my Dad's wife didn't even bother to let me know that he had been in the hospital.  I was in PA in June and could've gone to see him.  I have visited him several times since I first met him when I was 16.  He was a dear sweet man.  I guess there's really nothing for anyone to do, although I do appreciate the gesture.  I'm just feeling sad because I can't afford to go up for the funeral.  Just the plane ticket would cost $300 round trip, plus I'd have to have a rental car and motel room for two nights............................you get the idea.  I'll be alright in a few days, just need some time grieve.

RoseAnne....

This is Corry from Okeechobee, Florida. I wanted to tell you I am so sorry about your uncle. It is really frustrating to not be able to pay your respects personally. I know the flowers sent will make you feel better for right now but I have an idea. Maybe you could Plant a tree in his memory or a rose bush in your yard.

During the holidays are always a rough time if we have lost loved ones. I know it is not Christmas but will briefly tell you something I do to help with the grief from losing a loved one. We seem to try and get by with the day to day grief but during the holidays it seems to be much worse.

I buy an ornament or some sort of decoration in memory of my Dad and Mom. I have our large tree we put up each year but I also have a small 3 ft tree I put up on a small table and call it my tribute tree with ornaments in memory of those that have passed away. It really helps me to include them in my holiday this small way and once i have bought an ornament for my dad and put the tree up I seem to be able to enjoy the holidays a little more. I buy something to do with music for Dad and angels for my Mom. I even have a few ornaments in memory of my dog Ricky we lost two yrs ago. May seem weird to some people but it works for me and I have shared this with many others and it has seems to have brought some comfort to others as well.

At one time I didn't even want to do Christmas any more but for the kids and grands i went thru the motions but my Dad would not have wanted me to lose my christmas spirit. So my little tradition has really helped me find my holiday spirit and it sure has grown into a montster!! Just ask my family....lol I know Dad smiles down on me during the holidays and is happy that I didn't let the flame go out on my christmas spirit. Grief can rob you of your good memories and enjoying the holidays. I just had to do something about it. My brother planted a tree in Dad's memory and it has grown so much and it even brings me much comfort when I visit with him as I know what that tree is for. Maybe my brother sits out there and drinks his coffee under that tree and has a little talk with Dad....I don't know ......but I just wanted to share with you a special way to maybe keep the memory of your uncle and your Dad's family alive.

Take care, Sweetie and if you need to talk there are plenty of us here to listen. Seems like a real caring group here to me...catch you later.

Corry

Thanks, Corry.  I like the idea of planting something in memory of.  I don't have much room for trees, but maybe some rose bushes in memory of my dad, uncle and my step-dad.  I didn't really know my aunts, one died when I was a baby and the other two I had met once or twice. 

 I never knew my dad until I was 16.  My mom left there when I was just a baby and never really talked about him much.  I guess as a teenager, I became curious about my father so I started writing to him, without my mom's knowledge.  I met both my dad and my uncle when I was 16.  Never had the really close relationship I was looking for, but am thankful for what I had.  My dad died 4 years ago from lung cancer.  My step-dad raised me along with my 3 brothers.  He and I butted heads when I was younger, but became much closer after I got married and moved out.  He died 2 years ago from a massive heart attack.  I truly appreciate all of the words of encouragment, you gals are great.

Oh Rosebud, I am sorry you are feeling sad.  BUT you know what?  It's OK,  I still have those days after 3 years when my hubby died, my dad just passed away in March So I Can feel for you with the blue mood.  Just remember the good times and don't let anyone every tell you .. GET OVER IT, you DO NOT have to.  It's your choice to deal with this anyway YOU want to.  We are all here for you anytime you want to talk, email us via our personal contacts as well if you don't want to post it on the forum. We'll chat!

I had a special Uncle Julius whom I miss dearly every day.  There was no real way to discribe him except that he was a very wise man.  He had a 4th grade education but was years beyond many others who had degrees and such.  He understood people and loved them.

I would recommend that those of us who have relatives who perhaps have few years left, please have a conversation with them.  I did and I have some great memories for others to read about.

What I did was ask them some specific questions, like:

• What is your favorite memory of your childhood?
• What did you like or dislike about school?
• What was growing up like with (a sibling or friend)?
• How did you meet your spouse?  (Very few of them were ever divorced, so the meeting questions were always wonderful!)
• What do you want others to know about you?

There were so many beautiful and sweet answers.  My favorite was (grandpa meets grandma).  He:  We were on a double date and I was with another girl, I was driving .  I turned around to see grandma in the back seat with her date, she was so pretty, and I "gave her the eye."  We started seeing each other and married within 6 months.  She:  We were on a double date.  He kept trying to talk to me and I was shy and giggling.  I was young but wanted to 'get out of the house.' So, we did get married really fast.

They were at the same date, but saw the event a little differently.  They were married 52 years when she passed away.  He followed a few years later, but he was never the same without her. 

Write down what you learn for others to enjoy.

Pat

The funeral was yesterday.  I thought since I was working it would help keep my mind occupied so that I wouldn't think about it too very much.  WRONG.  I had a miserable day yesterday and I think most of my co-workers were wondering what was up.  I was kind of snippy with them, but I just didn't want to be there.  I have no idea if the flowers I ordered got there in time or anything.  I guess I won't have much contact with anyone up there anymore.  The only person I know now is my dad's wife, and right now I'm not very much interested in keeping in touch.  I've always been a little uncomfortable around her.  Guess it's time for another chapter in my life to come to a close.  How sad.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so sad.  Change is hard to take and I wish I could say as we've gotten older it gets easier but it doesn't.  Working is probably the best thing for you.  Praying for you,